


it’s time we danced with the truth

by ginger__snapped



Series: Rin's Whumptober 2019 [10]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Pepper Potts is amazing, Protective Pepper Potts, Tony Stark Has Issues, Touch-Starved, Whumptober 2019, alt. no. fourteen, tony stark is touch-starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-13 15:55:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21163787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ginger__snapped/pseuds/ginger__snapped
Summary: Tony knew he was touch-starved, knew after that mental breakdown in Rhodey’s arms. But Stark men were made of iron. So what was wrong with him?





	it’s time we danced with the truth

Pepper Potts had tried for years to keep the relationship between her and Tony Stark strictly formal, but that was extremely hard to do with a man like him.

He’d casually invite her to dinner, left a room for her at his Malibu home, given her full access to his workshop, and acted a certain way around her that he never did in public. He was sweet and genuine and snarky in a good way, and he never treated her like she was lesser to him. 

They did have one unspoken rule of little no no physical contact. There’d be the occasional shoulder tap or her taking or giving stuff to him, but they didn’t hug or anything like that. 

Pepper didn’t think much of it - he was still her boss, and there were boundaries. 

But then he made her CEO, and she realized she’d been in love with him for years. And then she almost died, and then they kissed on the roof. And now Pepper was unsure of where they stood, and she was standing in Tony Stark’s kitchen with anxiety coursing through her. 

Tony Stark, on the other hand, was having a terrible day. It just downright sucked. 

He had survived for  _ years  _ avoiding meaningful physical contact, minus the few hugs Rhodey gave him every now and then, and he tried not to think about Obadiah and his obsession with Tony. 

But he was curled up in his bathtub, stripped down to his boxers, and trying not to suffocate. 

That kiss with Pepper had set him off. 

He’d kissed hundreds of girls, but none of them had any real  _ feeling  _ behind them. And he’d kissed plenty of guys, but it was the same. He did it to distract himself from the fact that he was in love with Pepper. He hadn’t realized it until Afghanistan. After dreaming of her so many times (and her being one of the three reasons for him to even  _ try _ getting out), he came to the conclusion that he was hopelessly in love with a woman that would never love him back. 

He didn’t deserve it, after all. 

But then they kissed, and oh, how magically healing it was. It was like a hole in his heart he never realized was there had been filled, but now that she wasn’t there, it was consuming him, and the self-hatred and depression had hit full-blast. 

Tony had tuned out his emotions for years, hiding behind a facade of indifference and cold-heartedness. He’d become so good at it that he didn’t think he had any real emotions left. (But wasn’t that what his father wanted?)

Tony shuddered. His skin was on fire, and he yearned for some sort of affection, any human contact,  _ something  _ to fill the aching hole in his chest, even if it was only for a moment. 

He knew what it was. He knew he was touch-starved, knew all about it. He’d figured that one out in college after having a full on mental breakdown when Rhodey gave him a hug. Rhodey had sat him down on the couch and patiently explained it to Tony, saying how his lack of parental affection had probably messed him up in some way (Tony knew that, but Stark men were made of iron, so what was wrong with him?), and that it was okay to ask for help. 

Tony had compartmentalized, and pushed that aside. For all he knew, Rhodey thought he was fine. (Rhodey knew Tony wasn’t  _ fine _ , but he did think that Tony was over that.)

But there he was, reduced to nothing but a shaking ball of whirling thoughts and burning skin and an aching heart. 

(His emotions had been cut off for so long that they were hitting him all at once, and he didn’t know what to do.)

And then, there was the soft call of his name. 

_ Pepper.  _

It was Pepper, and Tony tried to stop his gasping breaths, his head hanging between his knees as he tried to reign in his panic. 

Pepper was in his bedroom, and her footsteps were getting close to the bathroom. 

He had left the door open. 

She peered around the corner, eyes widening slightly as she took in the sight. 

Tony couldn’t look at her as she rushed towards him, hands hovering over him, unsure of what to do. 

_ Please _ , he thought. 

“Tony,” she whispered sadly, sinking to her knees beside the bathtub. “What’s going on?”

He opened his mouth, ready to explain everything and just vomit out all his feelings, but his brain froze as she laid a hand on his shoulder, body short-circuiting. 

“Tony?”

Her hand started to leave, and Tony panicked, because it felt so  _ nice _ , and he didn’t know that human affection could do this to him. 

“No,” he gasped, voice raggedy. “ _ Please _ .”

His plea was so desperate, his voice so broken, that Pepper didn’t know what to do, her fingertips on Tony’s shoulder and mind blank. This wasn’t the man she knew. 

(But wasn’t this what Tony was, underneath everything? Nothing more than a scared little boy desperate for his father’s approval and for someone to love him?)

Tony’s hands were shaking. He was shaking. He was  _ crying.  _ Tears were pooling in his eyes and steadily dripping down his face, and  _ god,  _ he was such a mess. 

(“Is this what you call hard work? Try again, Anthony. I’ll come back when you’re not such a failure.”)

And then Pepper was climbing into the bathtub with him, and her arms were wrapping around him, and he was about to spiral into a panic attack, but she was tucking his head into her shoulder, and Tony closed his eyes, shaking and crying and gasping. 

And Pepper sat there, her hand softly stroking his hair and whispering into his ear. 

And Tony was so  _ exhausted,  _ but he didn’t want to move, because Pepper was holding him, and he wanted to stay like that forever, and the burning of his skin had ceased, for that moment. 

He’d stopped crying, but he was still shivering, his eyes tightly closed and focusing on the smell of Pepper’s vanilla perfume. 

Pepper sat with him until he fell asleep. 

Tony was still, his breathing even and body curled up into her. Pepper sighed, trying to figure out what to do. She didn’t want to leave him - that’d be a poor decision on her part - but the tub wasn’t exactly the most comfortable place to be lying. 

She considered waking him up, but the thought made her feel guilty. He barely slept enough as it was, and he was physically and emotionally exhausted. Pepper sighed, and got as comfortable as she could in that situation. Both of them would be aching when they woke up, but it was worth it if she could help him. 

So, Pepper fell asleep with her arms still around Tony, her head resting on top of his. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> sup hoes 
> 
> can confirm i have had an anxiety attack in a bathtub and it is not pleasant. 
> 
> have a lovely day
> 
> -rin
> 
> ps: yell at me on tumblr! @marvel-and-the-gays


End file.
